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Published on March 19th, 2007 | by Hans Fruck

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Tsuriel Raphael — We Salute You

I’ve been meaning to post something about this for a while, because it was just too good to roll by unremarked… Tsuriel Raphael was, until recently, the Israeli ambassador to El Salvador. The Age explains the reason for Tsuriel’s dismissal by the Israeli government:

From The Age: “As an Israeli ambassador, Tsuriel Raphael was accomplished at putting a gloss on delicate subjects, be it Tel Aviv’s nuclear program, the treatment of Palestinians or the invasion of Lebanon.

But when police found him in the yard of his embassy residence in El Salvador’s capital, San Salvador, smooth talk was not really an option. For starters, there was the gag and the rubber ball in his mouth. There was also the matter of being drunk. And naked. And bound. And surrounded by sex toys.”

Once he was untied and the gag and ball removed, Mr Raphael identified himself as the ambassador, but for perhaps the first time in his diplomatic career, this was a crisis he could not explain away.

Tsuriel, dude. Du-uude.

Perhaps I’m alone in thinking this, I’m really not sure. But I can’t help but be impressed with the manner in which Tsuriel has come unstuck. If you’re gonna go down in flames, make it a supernova, I say.

This is no ordinary diplomatic gaffe: it’s not a matter of drink driving, embezzlement, or making a fat joke about the Salvadoran prime minister’s wife. Buck nekkid, smashed, hog-tied, gagged, and presumably violated, Tsuriel’s exit from the diplomatic corps is worthy of Keith Richards or Michael Hutchence, not a career diplomat.

I’m guessing there’s a fair chance that Tsuriel may find himself immortalised on the big screen too. As we speak, I suspect there are several dozen scriptwriters working on screenplays. It’s a delicious set of circumstances, how could they resist?

I know the first thing I thought of was how the Corleones set up the uncooperative senator in Godfather II. Maybe the same thing happened to Tsuriel? Did he get involved with the wrong people? Ask the wrong questions? Was his very public downfall only the tip of the dildo iceberg?

So many questions, so few answers. I guess we’ll have to wait for the autobiography. Should be a page-turner.


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