Published on April 12th, 2006 | by Hans Fruck0
On The Verge, Issue #7
OUTSIDE THE SQUARE
Fans of ‘70s folk songwriter Linda Perhacs may be surprised when they get their hands on a copy of her re-released and re-mastered CD Parallelograms.
“Linda has a unique ability of producing a gentle, outdoorsy sound and sprinkles just a hint of pyschedelia from the mountains and canyons,” says the CD promotional leaflet. Clearly Linda has sucked down too much hallucinogen-rich alpine air, because she’s insisted the album is re-released according to her original vision — with a parallelogram-shaped case.
Linda flew into a fury when her label raised concerns that the disc itself would not fit inside the case — and the case in conventional CD storage units — saying she would not let her artistic vision be compromised. She then solved the disc-space issue by increasing the case dimensions to about five square metres. “The sound is almost 3D,” continued the press release, adding helpfully: “Linda states ‘this is what it was meant to sound like’.”
At first we thought the press release spruiking Mercury Rev’s latest album, The Secret Migration, was a pisstake of the highest order, but we’ve since realised that we’re laughing at the presser, not with it.
This press release captured our imagination right from the start with its “Shhhhh… Share a secret” tagline. It then really hit its stride with a lyrical seasonal metaphor: “If Deserter’s Songs was autumn, and All Is Dream winter, then The Secret Migration feels like spring: fresh-cheeked, maybe a little mischievous, infused with hopeful spirit.”
After blacking out because of oxygen loss caused by hysterical laughter, we narrowly suppressed the urge to don frilly shirts, write poetry, and stare broodingly over restless water. Not content with plumbing new depths in masturbatory waffle, the presser really warms to its task by hurling a string of adjectives at the album, namely: “addictive”, “brilliant”, “propulsive”, “shimmering”, and “exhilarating”, all of which confirms the Verge’s long-held belief that PR people have as many words for shit as eskimos have for snow.
The presser then hit us with a quote from a Rev bandmember, “the always-intriguing and profound Jonathan”. The quote? “How did it turn out the way it did?” Jonathan wonders. “I don’t have the faintest idea.” Phew! We had an epiphany; what about you?
The Secret Migration is due for release on January 23. You could buy it – then again, you could flog yourself with a flaccid lettuce leaf. It’s up to you.
Someone had to do it. Boomtown Records is to release a compilation CD Attack of the B-Killers containing eight Babs Streisand and Bette Midler songs performed by hardcore punk acts Useless ID, Atom, Yidcore and Man Alive on December 6.
Kylie Minogue’s new single I Believe In You will be released November 28. The single is taken from Ultimate Kylie, a greatest hits double CD released through Festival Mushroom Records November 21.
This latest single marks the continuation of Ms Minogue’s remorseless assault on the listening public. Here at the Verge we’ve tried our best to put an end to the horror, but the Pert-Buttocked One has thus far proven immune to prayer, votive candles, and voodoo.
Such was our desperation, we even contemplated pooling our money and financing a hit squad, but in this globalised, capitalism-run-amok world $167 isn’t enough to get anyone iced. So it appears the only murder that’ll be committed is by Kylie – on her own songs.
Twelve months after Peter Brocklehurst was discovered singing classical music in his cobbler’s store, he’s released his first album hilariously entitled Boots And All.
Pinocchio reportedly flew into a jealous rage when his master’s album debuted at Number #1 on the ARIA Classical charts. “I’m running away,” sobbed the little wooden puppet. “For real this time.”
SYSTEM OF A DOWN TO RELEASE ALBUM, REVOLUTIONISE MATHEMATICS
System of a Down’s next release Hypnotize/Mesmerize will be a two-album set, with album one, Hypnotize, to be released early 2005 and album two, Mesmerize, late 2005.
“Doing a two-album set never entered into our thought process,” remarked SOAD guitarist Daron Malakian. “But when we looked at all the songs we had and arbitrarily tried to choose ‘the best’ fourteen for one album, we realized we had two album’s worth of really great songs,” he observed modestly. “We didn’t chase this idea, it chased us.” In between being pursued by ideas band members, according to Malakian, still found time to “give 1000% to every single track”.
Not content with exceeding the widely accepted maximum-effort quotient by an impressive 900%, the band also added some extra ingredients to their tantalising musical recipe, including “an orchestra, some obscure Middle Eastern instruments, and ‘pure schizophrenia'”. In addition to this bout of astonishing quality, creativity and psychosis, SOAD have also treated their fan base with heartwarming thoughtfulness, because, as the press release intones, “The decision to release the two discs six months apart was made simply to give fans time to get into and really live with the music from Disc 1 before plunging into Disc 2.”
Any extra money made by selling the CDs separately is purely coincidental.
SHH… RIOT IN PROGRESS
Quiet Riot will release a live CD Quiet Riot Live & Rare Vol.1 on January 18 through Cleopatra/Deadline Records.
The material is a compilation of live recordings from various concert performances during their 1983 “Metal Health” and 1984 “Condition Critical” world tours.
CORROSION OF CONFORMITY TO RELEASE “HEAVY” ALBUM
North Carolina metalheads Corrosion of Conformity are to release a new album called En los Brazos del Dios (That Just About Wraps It Up For God) in early 2005 and will tour the record worldwide.
The album is described by label Sanctuary Mayan Records and singer-guitarist Pepper Keenan as “aggressive, big, heavy and ugly”, which kinda goes without saying considering the genre these guys occupy, and features the remarkable talents of Galactic drummer Stanton Moore and producer John Custer, who contributed to Dave Grohl’s Probot slab. Rawk.
SHE’S A SINGER TOO, DIDN’T YOU KNOW…
After a gruelling week promoting everything from Pepsi to her own range of sensible underwear, there was nothing left in the Delta ™ tank when it came to actually playing music last week.
After two frenzied promotional events for MTV and Channel [V] at Fox Studios last Friday, it was straight into hocking the soft drinks. A brief six-song set and some autographs later, the starlet was overcome with a case of the wobbles. “We gave her a drink and a sandwich and a milkshake — she loves her milkshakes — then she was as right as rain,” her mum told a newspaper. Oops! Don’t you mean “We gave her a Subway ™ and a Pepsi ™ — the choice of the Delta generation — she was once again ready to take on the Pepsi ™ challenge.”
And what a challenge! Having already collected a hefty sum for the event, Delta’s mum and manager knew there could be no contractual obligation left unchecked.
“All of us were tired, not just Delta,” said mum as she cracked the whip. This relentless PR juggernaut will stop for no one, not even for Delta ™ herself.
Look out for Delta(tm) everywhere this week, including breakfast cereal packets, toothpaste promotions, Telstra corporate parties, and if you’re really lucky, performing live muzak somewhere for a handful of soft drink competition winners. Start collecting ring-pulls today!
CHEMICAL BROTHERS PLEASED WITH PEN’S PERFORMANCE
The Chemical Brothers have used a talking pen that raps called the Q-Tip to provide rhymes for their new “full-blooded dance-floor anthem” Galvanise, which will be released January 17.
“We tried a number of rapping pens when composing our new song, including Dr BiC, MC Staedlter and Pacer C, but none displayed the street cred, connections with the Beastie Boys and even ink distribution of the American-made Q-Tip,” said the Chemo’s Tom Rowlands.
Galvanize is the first single off the outfit’s new album Push The Button, out January 25.
DO THEY KNOW IT’S CHRISTMAS?
With 70 per cent of folks from Sudan’s volatile Darfur region being Sunni Muslims (main benefactors of The Band Aid Trust) I would hazard a guess the majority don’t know much about Christmas, and probably don’t care. But fuck it, they are starving, and crusty Sir Bob Geldof and his pop star mates will torture millions just to help.
Including Bono, Keane, Paul McCartney, The Sugababes, Skye (Morcheeba), Robbie Williams, Dido, Jamelia, Justin Hawkins (Darkness), Chris Martin (Coldplay), Fran Healy (Travis), Beverley Knight, Busted, Ms Dynamite, Danny Goffey (Supergrass), Katie Melua, Will Young, Natasha Bedingfield, Snow Patrol, Shaznay Lewis, Joss Stone, Rachel Stevens, The Thrills, Roisin Murphy (Moloko), Lemar, Estelle, Neil Hannon (Divine Comedy), Feeder and Dizzee Rascal.
If you don’t buy it, you know you’re an asshole. Out December 5 through Universal Music.
BAGS THE CRACKLING
The Porkers will release a live album called Trendy Round-eye Infidel Dogs Play To Delirious Second-String Japanese Audience in late February. It’s really called The Porkers Live At Nakanoshima. In unrelated news, fellow crusty ska punx Loin Groin have re-released their album Loin Groin Zion, so haul yr sorry arse down the shop and spend, spend, spend.
PEEPING TOM: FACE THE MASTERS
You heard it here first: big-balled stoner kings Peeping Tom are launching their debut self-titled album at The Tote December 17, casting a warm ray of sunshine into the hearts of lovers of hip-swivelling, groove-drenched riffs.
The Tom has spent the last 15 years working on the album in a remote Chinese temple keeping their minds and bodies limber by way of a strict drug regimen. And now their mesmerisingly groovy, bowel-shaking masterwork is finished. So go and see them play. Buy the album. Discover Melbourne’s best rock band.
WHAT DAY IS THIS…?
The Beautiful Girls will have a new as-yet-unnamed record for us to listen to in mid-2005, but offer a four-track teaser EP this month for those that smoke too much pot and can’t retain information like this for very long.
WARD OFF EVIL SPIRITS
M Ward has just completed his new album, which is due for release mid-February. Entitled Transistor Radio, the 16-track record includes Fuel For Fire, Hi-Fi and Big Boat. M Ward plays in Melbourne on December 9 and 10.
NEW RELEASE FROM CHEEKS — SHIT OR NOT?
Former Lost Boyz frontman, Mr Cheeks has released his third solo album, Ladies & Ghettomen. The first single from the album — which has been released on Mr Cheeks’ own label, Legal Drug Money Records — is It’s Alright, which features a host of rap luminaries who we can’t be bothered listing.
Legal Drug Money Records, Contango Records and local label Barcode Records have joined forces to release the album in Australia on November 19.