BRIDEZILLA ON THE LOOSE
In a move reminiscent of those make-your-own-video clip, blue-screen karaoke booths at the shopping centre, songwriter Sarah Godden has launched a new service, Song4you, where couples can personalise their own wedding music.
With the in no-way-dubious credentials of having written for Delta Goodrem, Andrea Bocelli, and Bec Cartwright, Godden has spotted a niche-market in the ever-expanding legion of brides-to-be who can now take glassy-eyed control-freakery to a level beyond fuchsia coloured bridesmaid dresses and seating arrangements.
To the despair of many a prospective groom, Godden has promised no more Bryan Adams or U2 at your nuptials but your very own original composition. That’s right, couples can work with Godden at her studio and come away with a “professional recording” to give to guests and “perform” at their wedding. She is quite rightly sick and tired of “daggy” wedding songs that don’t suit the couple or their lifestyle.
So if you’re a Carcass fan whose love is best expressed by something like NIN’s Closer, then Godden is happy to deliver. As she says without a hint of irony, “No rockstar training necessary!”
* ALCOHOL, DRUGS, SEX, PETTING PARTIES & PSYCHEDELIC FRIGHT SHOWS NOT INCLUDED
According to the press release, John Spencer (of John Spencer Blues Explosion) and Matt Verta-Ray’s (of Speedball Baby) two-piece guitar band Heavy Trash offers “the perfect soundtrack for boozy all-night throw-downs, petting parties and psychedelic fright shows*.”
If you’re a virgin who’s over 30, still live with mum and dad, and your idea of a perfect weekend involves a trip to K-Mart to buy a fresh pair of Dunlop KT-26s, don’t be fooled into thinking that buying the Heavy Trash record will miraculously deliver you the sort of racy social life the label describes, no matter how mutually exclusive it makes them out to be. No amount of songs crammed with “country, R&B, blues, straight-up rock, murder ballads and songs of lust, hate and cheating” will turn your weekly Dungeons and Dragons LAN party into a drug-fueled sex rave, no matter how loud you play them.
Cashed-up cool kids complete with phalanx of teenage hookers, salt-shakers of cocaine and make-up compacts for impromptu “fright parties” (but bereft of the correct soundtrack to enjoy them with) can purchase the record at music stores now. For the rest of us unfortunates who don’t work in the music industry, buy in too — just don’t expect a miracle.
ABC TV will screen the new series of Dr Who from mid-May. Everyone likes Dr Who, and it was good enough of the ABC to show the old ones. Which, no matter how you look at it, at least served to remind us that no matter how crap it looks now, the new one can’t be any worse.
Well, apparently it’s way better. Ten million people in Britain watched the opening night of the new series. Christopher Eccleston, who played the Doctor, has since quit the show saying he didn’t want to be typecast. Boo-hoo motherfucker. You wouldn’t catch Tom Baker crying about that would you?
If you only go to one gig this month, make it count: on Sunday 17 th April the original Sunday Sixpack festival returns to The Tote in Collingwood.
Some of Melbourne ‘s most successful underground bands have performed at previous Sunday Sixpacks, and this event promises yet another diverse and talent-packed lineup. The event kicks off with Pranjna at 3pm; twin-bass apocalypse-bringers Fire Witch at 4pm; soundscape maestros Oneironaut at 5pm; ball-tearing rock pigs Dr Invisiablo at 6pm; the beautiful lush sounds of International Karate at 7pm while Sixpack regulars Mushroom Giant round out a top day at 8pm.
And if all that isn’t enough to pull you away from a dreary afternoon of watching Bill Woods cream himself about racing cars on TV, the organisers are cooking everyone a barbecue lunch.
The Brown Noise Unit will be presenting a celebrity ape fight after the show, and searching vainly for the pair of grease-stained briefs we misplaced at the last debauched Sixpack beano. So come on down and enjoy Melbourne ‘s finest musical talent, the barbecue, and the celebrity ape wrestling all for less than the price of a packet of darts.