Stop Touching My Sensitivity!

James Blunt: fast and bulbous
In what sounds like a nod to the 11 million people that bought his debut album, James Blunt has entitled his sophomore effort All the Lost Souls, which is due for release on 23 July. Lost Souls sees the cunning Blunt gargle his way through such coma-busting numbers as I Really Want You, Annie, and tellingly, Same Mistake.

Of Lost Souls the Blunt says: "It's something that I can say shows my growth and a development as a songwriter and as a musician, shows development in my own life, and records and documents it in that way." So expect a dozen tracks of Norwegian black metal interpersed with the odd Baltic polka.

Normally, a chap like Blunt should raise no ire: he is dull to the point of inoffensiveness. But his sensitive warblings are enough to make anyone feel a little, well, icky. When he sings 'Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend, you have been the one etc,' his tone and accent suggests that he is fingering your girlfriend under the table and about to call the Chancellor of the Exchequer about a matter of National Security. He's just plain creepy and wrong. Shouldn't he be trotting around the grounds of Blunt Manor with a brace of pheasants in a gunny sack, a pack of hounds nipping at the heels of his thoroughbred – not to mention the fine steed upon which he rides -- rather than inflicting his blandness on those with ears?

For someone who looks like the cover of Captain Beefheart's Trout Mask Replica and sings like he has a mouthful of plums served to him on silver spoons, James "The Blunt" Blunt, has had a remarkable career -- or "musical story" in the words of Atlantic records. From serving as an officer (naturally) in the British Army to topping the UK charts for nine million years in 2005, to getting his fishlike face into the crotches of various Eastern European supermodels, he's barely had time to scratch his blunt. Atlantic Records attribute this epidemic to 'contagious word-of-mouth'. Well, he is British and they have a knack for these things. We can only hope that the UK Department of Health gets wind of this and stacks 11 million James Blunt fans in smouldering piles around the country. Or perhaps his new record will sell via mad cow disease. Who knows. Just don't go kissing or eating the flesh of any James Blunt fans just yet. Although the latter is sorely tempting.