Stop Press -- Sort of Starlette Attempts Name Change

I dunno about you, but when I'm at a concert I want to know that the person I'm seeing is properly qualified to enter university, I need to know that should the whole fame thing fail he/she/they have something to fall back on completing Unit 2 English and General Mathematics is just the ticket.

Otherwise I just can't get into a song like Strawberry Kisses when I imagine poor Nikki losing her record contract and being denied entry to uni, then her parents being so disgusted by her failure she is kicked out of the family, next thing I know I'm walking down the street when a high pitched voice informs me to "hand over your fuckin wallet", before I have time to react, Nikki Webster has put 4 holes in my chest and left me for dead on the sidewalk ... no sir, I'll live comfortable in the knowledge of her VCE score just so I know I'll be getting home safely.

Interesting angle there Monarch. One can just hope that Glen Wheatley isn't her manager or she will be packing heat as sure as shit stinks.

Slightly ironic/moronic on my part though, to give someone shit for having Unit 2 English on their Wiki page when my post is full of grammatical errors.

Come to think of it, Unit 2 English has helped me even though since VCE I have basically been an unskilled labourer.

Many moons ago I was in front of a County Court Judge appealing a conviction for criminal damage. I was at a party where unbeknowns to me, someone had filled me full of alcohol.

Later that evening I went with an "alleged" friend to the local McDonalds. We went for a piss but the hand dryer that didn't work fell off the wall all by it self and ended up in the toilet.

The toilet bowl smashed and water pumped out flooding the McDonalds. To save my own life from drowning, I ran away. However, irony prevailed and the Manager of the McDonalds recognised me from high school (where I used to tease him for looking like the singer from Simply Red -- he was 2 years above me) and in true Mcdonalds manager style called the fuzz who in turn chased me.

Irony prevailed again and the cop who arrested me was at the time (well not right then) being coached by my uncle (a Snr Sgt) to become a Sgt in the Dog Squad.

I was arrested on foot as my accomplice had escaped leaving me to take the rap. I didn't squeal btw and still won't (it cost me big $$$ arsehole).

To cut a long story short I was convicted for criminal damage and various other scallywag offences and I successfully appealed them because like my Barrister said "He has completed VCE English, Mathematics... and a conviction would severely damage his chances for entry into the Army. (a good trick to say to get off a bum rap... join the army)

So if Nikki is hard up she can always join the ranks instead of pumping people full of lead.

But... isn't that legally allowing her to pump people full of lead? I sure as hell don't want Nikki Webster being given a license to kill.

But... isn't that legally allowing her to pump people full of lead? I sure as hell don't want Nikki Webster being given a license to kill.

Yes putting Nikki on "God Mode" could be a real danger to the community. More so than her latest single.

Yet, the way has been paved for her by another pop star* Normie Rowe who came back from Nam shaken' all over after unloading lead into the jungle. He then punched Ron Casey out on the Ray Martin show when Ron insulted Vietnam Vets. Or was it the other way around?

Anyhow, Nikki could go on Rove and punch out Peter Hellier and do us all a favour.

*Elvis also joined the ranks but he was not as famous as Nikki.

(from an old Verge item)

Australia’s favourite poppet, Nikki Webster, recently released a best-of album and bonus DVD. The album features a bevy of songs that the press release assures us are “memorable”. These include Strawberry Kisses and such logic-challenging songs as We’ll Be the One.

With our appetities now whetted, we at the Verge are now waiting with bated breath for Nikki’s autobiography. Publicists have confirmed that a tell-all autobiography is on the cards, but that it’s been delayed until Nikki had a bit more to tell — maybe until she’s old enough to vote. (They don’t seem to have had any such reservations when releasing the best-of album…)

Post–Sydney Olympics, young Nikki has been nothing if not busy. In addition to three “best-selling” albums, she now has — like any self-respecting wannabe pop star — her own clothing range: a line of children’s wear at K-Mart. According to her press release, “On a recent trip to Los Angeles Nikki gained further inspiration for her winter collection which will hit stores in 2005.”

Nikki Webster. Inspiration. Winter collection. Now there are three terms we never thought we’d see combined in the one sentence.

Nikki Webster’s best-of album and bonus DVD were released on November 29. They’ll be selling like hotcakes at a primary school near you.

I gathered that the Verge would have covered Nikki's best of album except I just couldn't let the whole name change stunt slip into oblivion like her career has.

Heres an idea: WHY DON"T YOU ALL KUST FUCKING LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!! It's because of people like you that she's changed her name. So why don't you all go and pick on PARIS HILTON for once you commie pigs

PS: And for the people that actually used their brains and posted posotive comments about Nikki on this page, I commend you all

Did you forget to add your name?

I went to mcdonalds once, i didn't bust any hand dryers or get convicted of any criminal offense,, i must have been one of the lucky ones..
whilst on the subject of nikki webster though i must admit if her career is as bad as we all know it is.. then if i may BNU i have a few suggestions...

Nikki's career resurection Part 1;

Nikki auditions as ronald McDonald's daughter.
Now i dont want to get too carried away but depending on how Nikki sells the gig,, she could name the new burger...?

As we know the ADF is somewhat desperate for new recruits ie.. video gaming subliminal messages etc..

Why don't The ADF and Mcdonalds engage in some 'healthy' cross promotional marketing ploy... Nicki AKA Ronald Mcdonalds daughter could sign up for a gap year...?

Then just as she did at the blessed sydney olympics Nikki could once again do her country proud only this time serving on the front line.. picture her gleeming red locks tucked into her Kevlar,, cam paint smeared across her freckly little nose,, loaded up ready for battle!

The last post would of course need to be replaced with a remix of strawberry kisses i am sure any one of our long list of australian hip hop superstars would happily mix it with her.. perhaps Mia Jupiter can tear herself away from her riveting jjj radio program to assist. Shout out to you Mia. Stupid bitches.

I have no idea what is going on in this thread but anyway hello to all BNU staff. It's been a while but I have just had to have my third penis reduction operation. I may have to have a fourth so if you don't hear from me that's why.

Hope all of you are well and all that.

hans left for a pack of smokes and never came back and the rest of us seem to be frigging around on facebook. you gonna buy in?

BTW too true re laws and samuel. The guy has either aspergers or borderline autism. I feel sorry for him.

Hey there mo fo. Good to hear you are still alive. Facebook eh? You serial? What about productivity at work?

Just got email from SGS. He won't mind me publishing it.

"Let me put it this way, Phillip Adams is wrong.

Obviously that is my opinion, and I'm not going to attempt to convince you that I am right, as such an attempt would be futile.

I respect your right to your opinion, and I wish you all the best for the future...but if you refuse to read my blog because I happen to believe certain things, then it's just a case of good riddance.

Believe what you want about me, it is of no concern to me. I learnt a long time ago that the opinions many others have of me are generally of little importance. It is the opinions of those who are close to me that are important.

Enjoy your life - good bye.

Samuel"

I will reply to him when I get the chance.

I can't help it bazron. I clicked on SGS again and I am hooked. He reposted the tree saga. I knew my self imposed banning and skating on thin ice would not last!

It's like not looking at a recent car wreck. I want my 10 minutes back.

Has anyone read Albrechtsen's break up/obituary column?

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,22375260-5013450,00.html

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah!

"THIS is one of the hardest columns I will write. John Howard has been the finest prime minister Australia has had."

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah!

"His legacy is profound. From workplace reform to welfare to indigenous politics, to our sense of national identity, Howard has changed the nation in a way very few leaders ever do"

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah!

I didn't have the stomach to read it closely. She is a ghastly, ghastly woman. The fact that she idolises a mediocrity like Howard -- or used to when he was a 'winner' -- says all you need to know about Janet.

Morally and intellectually bankrupt.

Hello Hans. I must admit it was one of the funniest/worst columns I have read for a while. Kind of like reading a high school break up letter. I can't believe her 'work' passes as opinion pieces week to week.

HF: "I didn't have the stomach to read it closely. She is a ghastly, ghastly woman. The fact that she idolises a mediocrity like Howard -- or used to when he was a 'winner' -- says all you need to know about Janet.

Morally and intellectually bankrupt."

Well said.

JA: "The last rabbit Howard should pull out of the hat is Peter Costello."

WTF?

It seems the prize fwit Bolt is jumping like a rat from a sinking ship too and also getting upset with an AGE journalist who picked it up.

I pray to the lord God the Liberals lose, Howard loses his seat and Albrechtsen slashes her wrists in despair. How funny.

She is just saying he ropinion she like john howard do whast get a life

Look, Anon, your shaky grasp of English (or maybe just your own keyboard?) means I'm not sure exactly what you're on about. But I'm gonna interpret your post as support for Ms Albrechtsen and a statement in favour of freedom of speech.

So let me use my freedom of speech to restate that Janet is a ghastly specimen. Selfish. Biased. Dishonest. Etc. The typical Albrechtsen column has about as much value as a gob of mucus on the pavement. 

As for getting a life, well, you're the one who took time to comment. So if what we said was so worthless, what does that make your 'contribution'?

And finally, why don't you go fuck yourself you dumb piece of shit?

Yours quite frankly,

HS Fruck 

It seems Media Watch has just given Iraq War correspondent, "surge" cheerleader and Dr Nelson groupie Miranda Devine a serve.

Dishonest mole.

Anon might be Devine in disguise. Or maybe not since they are all turning on each other at the moment.

Come on Chuck ... Devine's now a fully fledged war correspondent after 48-hours, behind the wire, and not talking to any Iraqis, in Bagdhad!

Okay, so she saw jack shit, and her prose was trinute to that, as in jack shit.

No doubt if she actually ventured out she would have written a Lawsie-inspired column about the perils of Iraqi drivers ...

I think BNU member heatseeker would be better qualified to comment on Iraq than Devine would be Ismail.

Devine is about as much an expert on the war in Iraq as I am if I were trying to win the lottery without buying a ticket!

"No doubt if she actually ventured out she would have written a Lawsie-inspired column about the perils of Iraqi drivers ..."

That said, if Miranda wanted to compare the hazards of picking the kids up from private school in the latest Range Rover with trying get get a tank of petrol in Bagdad I think it she would say that picking the kids up from school was far more perilous given the situation with drivers who were born overseas (as reported so well by SGS and his pal Lawsie).

Now excuse me as I have to go and watch a virtual tour of Britney's comeback.

When Miranda puts a peace sign on her helmet and starts talking about the duality of man in her latest column, that's when the loonies will be let out of all the asylums, start jumping on each other in park like frogs and report B&G label changes.

Yeeesss ... as much as I am only a fleeting veteran of the great sand land - four times over - at least I ventured out past the barriers with a peace symbol of my flak vest and "Journalist, don't shoot!" written on the back of my helmet.

On my last sandy sojourn I actually gathered by band of heavily armed grunts in my quest for the perfect chicken crocket ... err, I mean "cro-kay".

I had heard of a Kingsleys outlet near the Ziggurat of Ur just outside of Talil ... alas, all I encountered was some very odd man speaking in a thick accent who offered me a free drink. My bet is Lawsie would not have liked his driving either!

Regards Miranda, well I can pretty much guarantee the only armour she wore was when she boarded the blackhawk for the ride from the airport to the Aussie compound, and the bulk of her war correspondent experience was spent in airconditioned confines speaking to spin-doctored swinging dicks.

Sometimes she thinks she's John Wayne!

Miranda certainly walked the same as JW when she left the diggers compound after a night on the turps with the boys.

Your anecdote about your attempt to get some food in Iraq while being shot at reminded of the time I recorded my last episode of Editorial Echoes at the local tafe and every time I asked a question I was met with hostility. Luckily I remembered my dream about the fire at Dickson College and I crawled out of the tafe in the prone position to the local Kingleys.

Sorry to get OT but did you know that I also learnt something interesting from your birthday list this morning, Geoff Jansz was born in Sri Lanka. So keep him off the roads.

http://samuelgordonstewart.com/2007/09/samuels-blog-weekly-poll-vote-1-samuel

HAS THIS KID GOT HIS HEAD STUCK UP A TURKEY?

'I pledge to ensure that children cross the road to the pool in an orderly fashion, that free drinks not be handed out willy-nilly at takeaway shops, that all barcodes are correctly numbered and that all talk radio presenters get adequate station promos.'

I am awaiting Samuel's announcement with baited breath. He better run!

I don't have the heart to tell him that 82 of those votes encouraging hom to stand are mine ... it's been a long two days deleting the history on my computer and voting again!

Personally, I think he should ban Santa Claus!

Don't vote informal. Vote SGS so he can get 4% of the vote and get his $500 electoral deposit back. Sam has announced it on 2CC drive show and summarised some policies with the help of Mike Welsh.

1. A development in the seat of Fraser

2. Digital Radio

3. No Social Welfare Issues at this point

He needs 50 people to nominate him. DO IT!

That means you Ismail.

He should totally use that picture with Santa as his how-to-vote card.

1. A development in the seat of Fraser

2. Digital Radio

3. No Social Welfare Issues at this point

He needs 50 people to nominate him. DO IT!

That means you Ismail.

"The opposition are what happens when you let all the loonies out of the asylum, and the Chief Turnip should stick his head up a turkey."

I used to dread elections, but I am now looking forward to this one with relish.

Perhaps B1_B5 could stand in as a Pasquarelli-esque "political advisor".

Wonko will also stand in fraser as an independent. Oh man, it's so sad to see Sam being openly mocked by his radio hero on air. Errr arrhhh you got me there. Hahahaha.

Tommy has done a write up:

http://socko.blogspot.com/2007/09/game-changes-sgs-enters-election.html

I wish I knew the words to a golden song so I could sing, or zing, the tommy is gold song.

Angus, when you gonna join facebook? Fun to be had galahad old man.

Samuel John Gordon Stewart has released some policies for his campaign as an idependant for the seat of Fraser. Anyone who is familiar with this kid will know that he is highly critical of the ABC and the amount of money it recieves from the gov't via taxpayers. However, he is quite willing to get government assistance for digital radio:

"A speeding up of the rollout of digital radio, and government assistance to ensure that no broadcasters are adversely affected by the change."

Why don't they pay for the change themselves Samuel? Or are you and your beloved commercial stations going to (AS ALWAYS) piggy back the ABC and taxpayers when it suits.

But here is the real winner:

"The acceptance that Climate Change is a mostly natural phenomenon, and that we need to plan around the natural climate cycle."

Mike Welsh was giving you shit and deriding you saying to people that instead of voting informal to vote for you. If he really gave a shit about you he would be saying to just vote for you instead of inferring that you deserve nothing more than the informal vote. You were gutless in you interview with him. Are you going to let radio shock jocks rip on you your whole campaign? I believe you will because you can't see the wood from the trees.

I have been trying to set up an account. I got as far as uploading a picture then I got slightly overwhelmed by the whole social networking biz.

I started searching a girl from my checkered past and I felt like a stalker. It says she is married to a guy in a crowded house cover band. I just gave up after that.

I don't get facebook and myspace. Isn't email sufficient these days? Maybe I am missing the point.

But I had an anxiety attack while trying to write stuff about myself -- even when using a false identity. Is this normal?