People Who Deserve to Die
I'm not a violent man, but if I'd had a sniper's rifle this morning, or even just an axe, there would be bodies littering the streets.
I refer to the megawanker who parked his four-wheel drive at the end of the crescent opposite and over the fence from my study this morning. Megawanker, whose face I never saw, was picking up several kiddywinks -- it must be school holidays because the shrieking brats are everywhere -- and, judging by the mountain bikes strapped to the back of the 4WD, was taking them on a cycling holiday. So far so good. As a matter of principle, I do object to 4WDs because they're environment-degrading, motorist-killing, trophy vehicles for people who have oversized bank accounts and undersized social conscience, not to mention microscopic genitalia. But I haven't yet reached the point where I would kill someone for owning one.
However, I would happily exterminate someone who parked their 4WD outside a house and sat there beeping the horn on and off for 10 motherfucking minutes. I'm gonna make this crystal-clear so that even the mentally deficient can understand: instead of beeping your horn, GET OUT OF THE FUCKING VEHICLE, COCKLORD.
Typing this, I'm starting to get angry all over again.
But honestly, am I wrong? If you drove up to the Smedley-Higginses' house to pick up little Meredith -- to take her on a holiday jaunt with your precocious little Madiison -- would you sit in your goddamn urban-assault vehicle beeping the horn to summon Meredith, or her parents, or her brother, or a delicious iced-tea before departure, or for the glory of drawing everyone's attention to your sleek black shiny planet-killing vehicle, or for the lordly pleasure of watching people scurry back and forth between the house and your semi-trailer-sized car?
No, of course you wouldn't. Because it's fucking rude. I'm sure the Smedley-Higgenses are grateful that you're taking Meredith on holiday, but it's still poor form not to detach your ample arse from the driver's seat and go into the house to say 'hello'. And I dare say, the Smedley-Higgenses' neighbours -- such as yours truly -- aren't that impressed by the constant horn-beeping. Frankly, it probably annoys the shit out of them. And one of them might even take great satisfaction from putting a bullet through your inconsiderate fucking cranium -- that is, in the unlikely event you ever got out of the vehicle long enough to give them a clear shot.
In retrospect, I wouldn't have put a slug through your brainpan. No, I would prefer to get up close. Like right outside the driver's window, where I would say to your startled face, through gritted teeth, Clint Eastwood-like: 'You. Couldn't. Just. Get. Out. Of. The. Car. Could. You?'
I'd want them to die knowing that their own rudeness was the reason I was taking the axe to them.
-HS Fruck
Is fucking frustrating stuff to work with. It makes formatting anything a fucking to-the-death battle. No wonder no one ever writes anything for this site.
I feel your pain Hans. I live right next door to a suburban private girls school. The uppity bitchy mothers are updating their off-road vehicles weekly to keep up with the next cockwrench. The kids only live on average about 1 km from the school so why don't they use their fucking legs and walk home and stop clogging up the street every morn and afternoon with an OFF-ROAD vehicle. When I was in the army (did I mention I was in the army) to be able to drive a 4wd jeep you had to do a fucken 2 week intensive driving course to learn how to drive the fucken things because they are as dangerous as fuck. Then and only then could you drive one - when you had a special license.
Where is a statutory body to police this shit on our roads? We get policed about everything else. Fuck. Don't get me started about private schools, I know you didn't but the cunts pay no tax 'cause they believe in something that is a lie and contribute nothing to the infrastructure around the local area that they ruin with their fleets of 4Wds that they drive like fucking race cars.
KILL them. Kill them all...
I totally agree with you, Hans. Some fuckers have no idea when it comes to courtesy. I have no real experience with horn honkers -- I live in a dead-end street in Hawthorn (it's very quiet when it comes to traffic). But what I cannot fucking take is tradies starting work at 7 o'clock in the fucking morning. What is it with these cunts that they can't start at 9am like everybody else? Don't gimme that shit about needing to use all the natural light. It's daylight savings time, it's light until about 8.00. But these fuckers are reversing (beep-beep-beep-beep),unloading their vans at 6-fucking thirty, then the power tools start at 7am. If I were to turn my amp up to 11 and start playing Melvins riffs at 7am, the cops would be around in a flash. Yet people tolerate jack-hammers, angle grinders, circular saws and all manner of idiotic machinery at any hour of the day or night. I even had Mr Antenna or some such cunt on the roof next door shouting out instructions at the top of his voice at 6.30 the other morning. Don't these whores sleep? What's so important that it can't be done later in the day? They're all finished by 4pm. here's a mind bending suggestion: start work later!! You fucking pricks.
Because I just about had a stroke out of sheer fucking fury. Even if I did own a 4WD (no chance), I wouldn't be rude enough to summon the plebs by beeping the fucking horn. Sitting regally in your urban assault vehicle while the lower classes scurry around catering to your whims makes my blood boil.
And don't get me started on private schools, Chuckles. The notion that Australia is an egalitarian society is fucking propaganda. I mean, god forbid that we should take some of the money we (as in taxpayers) give to fucking Wesley (or wherever) so that they can build a fucking lap pool so that we can give it to a poor-ass public school that desperately needs it.
Egalitarian my hairy arse.
I happen to know where there's a few sniper rifles laying 'round ;-)
And don't get me started on private schools, Chuckles. The notion that Australia is an egalitarian society is fucking propaganda. I mean, god forbid that we should take some of the money we (as in taxpayers) give to fucking Wesley (or wherever) so that they can build a fucking lap pool so that we can give it to a poor-ass public school that desperately needs it.
Egalitarian my hairy arse.
Now we are started Hans here is an example of the microcosm of suburbia in which I live:
Directly to the back of me is a private school. It (like Jimmy Swaggart) pays no tax because it believes in god. It has: a pool, a lap pool, its own bus stop that no one else can use (the buses also clog up the street) and the school contributes nothing the to general wear or maintenance of these roads. The grass is fucking as green as it is on the turf at Lords, the school is fully decked out with the latest shit. It even tried to build a mobile phone tower (under the guise of direct internet access with its sister school???) to get more $$$ from telcos. Luckily that failed.
!00 metres up the road is a state primary school. It is falling to pieces. It also has a school for deaf children in it. They are bused there from other suburbs. The bus has to park down the road because it doesn't have its own bus stop. The teachers are paid shithouse wages. They put up with shithouse conditions and a major lack of resources.
Now that we have Labor gov'ts across the board hopefully they can get a decent federal award for teachers and balance out the funding between private and state schools. If they can't do it basically we are fucked.
Example 2 of the microcosm of suburbia in which I live: My neighbour to the right votes Labor, is an ex-stats lecturer and has just come back from a holiday in France. He is cultured, civil and pleasant. He listens to French music at all hours of the night quite loud but I couldn't care less. He doesn't own a car and uses PT.
My neighbour to the left votes Liberal. When we were on speaking terms all he would do is viciously attack teachers and complain about how they do nothing, get paid too much and get too many holidays. You know the usual insular bullshit. He owns 2 4WDs, numerous motorcycles and a ute. He has 2 kids and a wife. Every Saturday morning he is banging his fucking hammer BANG ... long pause .... BANG ... long pause ... BANG. He has been build a fucking huge carport to fit his fleet of vehicles. He has domestics with his wife all the time. He even got a can of spray paint and wrote "BITCH" on the road outside his own house pointing into the driveway. When I find the photo of his urban vandalism I will upload it. Now this cunt also banged on about how good Howard was.
Excuse the long comment but I think it highlights a few fucking things about people.
I'm liking Hans' idea of and axe though heatseeker.
Agreed, its far from perfect. Drupal is just about to release v6, and this site is running a very old v4-ish. So, the new version would help a lot with this.
Agreed, its far from perfect. Drupal is just about to release v6, and this site is running a very old v4-ish. So, the new version would help a lot with this.
Nah, dude, Admin is cool as. (That wasn't a crack at you.) But when I was trying to format my Best Films for 07, I remembered just how fucking user-unfriendly Drupal is. I mean, it's 2007. Surely they can come up with a formatting interface that's better than the current piece of shit? Fucking getting an article formatted on this site is like splitting the fucking atom.
You've always done a great job, mang.
A drive a 4WD.
I hang my head in deep shame, or I would, if it wasn't smaller than Hans Fruck's VM peddle car. I think it actually might be. The engine capacity is about 900cc, but for whatever reason, she chose a car that could deliver all of that whoomph of power to all four pram tires at once.
And man, since I found out the car was 4WD, I actually grew three new chest hairs. I counted.
Fuck you Hans with your whinging. Those of us with offspring are fucking entitled. We are entitled to everything. We are entitled to buy our offspring giant 4WD prams and force every other cunt off the the fucking footpath, at full speed, while doing the fucking finger. Don't you understand, you stupid cunt? We fucked! We conceived! She (not we, here, note) Managed to squeeze a kid out and now I have a 4Wd and big pram and a fucking attitude to spoil milk.
I AM WOMAN!
Jesus fuck.
Any single act of rudeness, whether it be perprated by a young man, a young woman, a gang of road workers, a millionaire or a skydiver should be countered with a sharp blow to the head with an extemely long rod. If possible, only attack the young woman. Otherwise run away.
Also, Hans, you fucking suck.
I wish to revise: Hans is okay once you get past the shoes.
I miss you fuckers.
Do you you want to get BNU going again? I do.
Facebook sucks.
What's Facebook?
Frequent spittle-flecked diatribes make me feel better. You know, relieve the pressure. Just yesterday I fought an epic man v computer virus battle. I think I won, although at the moment I'm typing very gently just in case I wake the beast. But the mattress that leans against the wall of my study got a pummelling and my neighbours all got to listen to installment #3564 of Hans Goes Off His Trolley.
Anyway, I've lost the thread. Good to see you all still polluting this site with your unhinged ravings. I thought you were all dead.
Heatseeker: I don't suppose there's any way you can Australia Post that sniper's rifle to me? I would use it for good not evil -- maybe just pick off a few children while they frolic on the street opposite shrieking their heads off. (As my dad would say to me: if you're not careful, I'll give you something to scream about.)
As for the ALP, Chuckles, I'm hopeful but not confident.
PS: Baron, you're a cock. I should've known you'd drive a 4WD.
PPS: And there's nothing wrong with my shoes. Get stuffed.
PPPS: Actually, given the recent shooting sprees in America, this whole piece is probably in poor taste... Rest assured that if I really had a sniper's rifle, I would only murder rude bastards misusing their car horns, not children.
Frequent spittle-flecked diatribes make me feel better. You know, relieve the pressure.
True. Now I don't want to attack my neighbour with his hammer or set fire to the school.
I'm back from the dead and re-emerged with a new outlook on things. I quit my job and started drinking again. It's all good.
It's good to see these other cretins are still speaking their usual jibberish.
Hope you are all good cunts.
I miss you fuckers.
Do you you want to get BNU going again? I do.
Facebook sucks.
Yeah, we could get the site up and running again. Whaddya reckon?
We need a project. Or we just need to stop being slack and keep writing for it. You're right, Baron, Facebuck sucks.
in the words of talk back radio: first time caller, long time listener.
Hans i sympathise with you completely. I have recently been further disgusted by the introduction of Hummer's to the Australian Automotive marker. Forget poor taste, small genitalia and insignificant social conscience' those fuckas that choose to purchase one of these military designed tanks deserve to be treated as an enemy combatant of war. That is those unsuspecting pedestrians who come upon one of these metallic beasts should use whatever object is nearest (be it steel rod, shotgun or grenade) to test out its battle credentials.
BTW: as a side point i came upon this site about a year ago as a result of many weeks reading the "On the Verge" column in the street rag 'beat'. classic social commentary ... what happened to it?
I spotted a Hummer last week, and the thing I don't get about them is that, in addition to all the other things that are wrong with them, they look fucking ugly. Seriously, they look like a toaster on wheels. Why anyone would wanna be seen piloting one around town has got me fucked.
OTV lasted about a year, then had a brief revival for a couple of months before going under again. I think the whole thing lasted much longer than any of us thought it would. It all went arse-up when the Baron was deported to Japan, BlackShadow misplaced his computer up his own rectum, Kinko started wearing suits, and I lost what little inspiration I started out with.
On the positive side, at least we got out before anyone sued us or Beat.
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