P!nk Dollars: The Sony BMG Fidelity Test

P$nk: shortly after checking her bank balance.Pink – sorry – P!nk has a lot of fans in Australia. Her recent tour saw 35 dates sold out, which means over 300, 000 people saw this bulldyke do her No-I'm-Straight-I Just-Have-Many-Lesbian-Friends act. According to the wizards at Sony BMG , this means that P!nk's recent tour was the biggest arena tour of Australia by a female artist. Ever. You won't see Renee Geyer clicking over that many fans.

To repay your love and loyalty to P?nk, Sony BMG are releasing two very special limited edition singles of Dear Mr President. That's right; you've all been so great and shelled out over $100 each to see her already that they're going to let you buy the sixth single from P#nk's album twice.

Just so you know how well you're getting (ripped off)  rewarded for your fidelity, here's what to look out for: version one comes packaged in – gasp! – cardboard with Who Knew live from Wembley plus all of ten minutes of behind the scenes 'on the road' footage. We can guess that this will consist of P$nk sitting in the makeup chair pouring the secrets of her motivation and success upon us unworthy viewers.

Observant readers will note that P%nk has no problem inserting punctuation into the middle of her name but is considerably less diligent with her song titles. Shouldn't it be Who Knew? Anyway, version two of Dear Mr President, comes in a gatefold with two pockets and includes some other stuff that's probably available on the internet for free plus, get this, a trailer for her Live from Wembley DVD.

So not only are the wonderfully generous folks at Sony BMG counting on you buying their products twice, they're including advertisements for their other products as a bonus. This is the kind of thing that should have any right-thinking music fan looking around the room for others to share their incredulity. In the past, this kind of marketing was done surreptitiously, but now it seems to be a selling point. Are consumers – not to mention P~nk's fans – really that gullible? Or is it just the record company's last ditch grab at a slowly dissolving market? Who knows? Either way, it's depressing business.

Rather than waste any more time trying to précis Sony's words of wisdom, let's take the last and most incredulous part verbatim. " Fans can buy both versions then put the disc from Version 1 into the Version 2 pack to form a special commemorative edition single that features artwork celebrating P!NK's historic Australian tour!" [Punctuation and emphasis courtesy of Sony BMG]

If you read that carefully, you'll notice that the second version includes space for the first version, which renders the packaging from version one obsolete. How fucking cynical is that?

 Normally, it would be of no consequence to rip on P(')nk and her fans, but this time around she – or whoever's writing the songs – has produced some pretty good pop music. The turn out for the tour has confirmed that something worthwhile is going on. So to capitalise on the good will and taste of Australian fans is nothing short of mercenary. Fuck these people: download it instead.

Vincent Blackshadow