Long Tom Interview
long tom: on set and vibrating with the electricity that has made him famous in film circles.
For such an enigmatic creature of the deep, Long Tom is relaxed and chatty in his tank at Westin Hotel.
Long Tom is in town to promote his new movie, in which he plays a fish from the wrong side of the reef that decides to fight back when hooked by an evil reef-plundering fisherman.
When winched aboard the yacht The Lark, Long Tom explodes in anger, threshing about and nipping at the heels of the anglers with his long, sharp teeth.
When he regains conciousness, he is in the saltwater tank of a Sydney dentist, who wears a mask and speaks with a lisp. With the help of a French shrimp and a friendly pelican, Long Tom makes it back to the reef -- but life will never be the same again.
"It's easily my most difficult and controversial role yet," admits Tom, tail flicking lazily back and forth amongst the reeds.
"It would be easy to keep playing the bad guy in yabbie versus fish films, but I really wanted to stretch myself artistically and take myself out of my comfort zone.
"Also, playing it the nude was a big challenge. As a fish from quite a conservative genus, it was tough to really put it all out there. I mean, a hint of pectoral, a glimpse of dorsal and a brief flash of lateral line is enough to spice a film up, it's all in good fun. But in this movie I was like a plate of frigging sushi."
The role reversal is sure to polarise the piscatorial world. Outspoken fishing lobbiest and gamefishing veteran Peter Goadby has already spoken out against the film: "Gamefishing, from the dawn of time, has haunted the deep drop-offs and canyons west of the Continental Shelf and both Chapman and I were against the use of light line.
"Slowly, a new generation of luremakers has conspired to join the side of the fish, which is why the monsoon is always in close relationship with biorhythmical cycles, both on land and off."
In any case, The Book of Figmentations hits cinemas next week.
"I just hope that people can relate to it in a submarinal sense," said Tom in hushed tones, eyes darting nervously at a passing crab.
"That's all that matters."
What the hell is in Long Tom's gob. It looks like one of those rock climbing clips. Is this usual for fishing Baron?
"When he regains conciousness, he is in the saltwater tank of a Sydney dentist, who wears a mask and speaks with a lisp. With the help of a French shrimp and a friendly pelican, Long Tom makes it back to the reef -- but life will never be the same again."
Very funny man - very funny.
but plagerism is easy. The rest of this post is to be read in jeffery rush's pelican voice...
the thing inside that fishes gob is a Boga grip, Nemo... to ghastly pieces of metal that clamp onto the fishes jaw to help protect it, you see. Cos if a NORMAL fisherman caught it, one that wasnt a SPORTS fisherman, the fish would be brutally removed of its protective slime. With these Boga Grips, Nimo, its jaw and tongue are merely crushed while it is held aloft for a photo.
So you see, Nimo, the sport fisherman is not so bad at all. Just like Jack Bauer at CTU shooting a terrorist with a fluroscent tag and monitoring its movements until recapture.
End Jeffory Rush Voice.
I have pre-booked three tickets for Baron, Hans and myself. As in impending father Baron you should watch this.
Jesus wept.
He was a old fucken knarley old basted -- irascible, if I've spelled it right, which I haven't. The muscles still bulged out of his skinny saggy arms and he could catch a whiting when no one else could.
He was so profane. He was a hardass and he used to take me fishing in his little tinny with his son and sometimes his wife. I liked it more when the wife wasnt there cos he said more swear words. I was only ten or so.
But he taught me some good expressions with his bitter, dry, end-of-it-all attitude. A cunt with a campervan was this bloke. At 10 he let me take his tinny out with a 8hp motor. I fucken flew in it.
Anyway.
Thanks Col. You were one of the first to open my eyes to this sort of shit.
God love Queenslanders.
Whether it's Islamic or Christian or anything else, fundamentalism is scary stuff. I'll definitely watch this, Chuck, though it'll do fuck all for my peace of mind.
They're fucking zealots indoctrinating children. I mean, listen to the shit that several of those children spout. Kids don't speak like that. They're just regurgitating what they've been told.
There's about zero fucking thought that goes into any of this. These churches are the stopping places of right-wing authoritarians who can't abide any kind of ambiguity or difference.
In spite all the sick stuff that's been done in the name of one religion or the other, I don't have anything against godbotherers -- they can live life how they like, provided they extend the same courtesy to everyone else. Unfortunately, fundamentalist whack-jobs deal in absolutes.
Well, they can go and get fucked. Because I ain't buying their mutated version of Christianity.
I mean, seriously. This is the religion, supposedly, of loving one's neighbour. Yet all they do is spew prejudice and hatefulness, most of the time against enemies that only exist in their own fevered imaginations.
Where all this might end is frightening enough. What they've already done scares me shitless. They've put Forrest Gump into the White House, and he's a godbotherer like themselves who -- more than likely -- reads the Left Behind series and believes in the Rapture.
Personally, I think that calls for an amendment to the Constitution (not that Bush the Dumber follows it, anyway): no one who believes in the End of Times or the Rapture gets within a half-mile of that little red button.
In a nutshell: you're born, you live for five minutes, you die, you decompose. No afterlife, no cloudsitting, no schadenfreude at all those people condemned to Hell, no grey-bearded embodiment of patriachy CEOing things from great altitude, no harps, no angels, no anything.
It's just lights out, fuckos. It's not pleasant, not enticing, not custom-made for my peace of mind. But. There. It. Is.
I agree Hans. When I first watched this preview I was laughing, but watching it again and seeing the girl's tear at the end, gushing out of her eye, I am reviled.
Mass hysteria aside, man it's a form of child abuse. Fuck me.
I concur with your last two paragraphs. Get fucked cunts. As if anyone could know what happens when the lights go out.
Unfortunately, you can't argue with folk that are irrational and god damn it - psycho! Fuck Bush and fuck Family First. Fielding your are a zealot. I had my pic taken with him at ANZAC day last year. He was trying to film himself spouting family values at ANZAC day for his website. He seemed to be having trouble with his camera, I offered to help but he refused.
Steph and I
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