Fashion accessories can kill, warns minister

Interstate truck driver Len Evans 'unaware of the danger'.A British study has revealed that wearing large, wide-arm fashion sunglasses while driving increases the risk of an accident. According to the research, more than 12 million cocks wear outsized glasses in the UK alone.

First brought into vogue by flying ace Baron von Richthofen, outsized eye-goggles enjoyed a resurgence in popularity during the 1970s with hippies, tramps and whores, before reemerging with stunning continuity on the face of Paris fucking Hilton.

Such is the widespread popularity of the style that Minister for Transport Mark Vaile has issued an alert to Australian motorists, urging them to limit lens diameter to 10cm in the interests of safety.

"These lethally wide arms and fatally sexy lens tints may look fabulous and be the must-haves of the moment, but drivers should put safety ahead of style when in control of a vehicle," reminded Vaile.

Len Evans, 59, an interstate truck driver, said he was unaware of the danger his $395 Armanis posed.

"I haven't really thought of them affecting my driving," said Mr Evans. "I just like big sunglasses; they make my nose look smaller. Because they cover up my face so much, it makes people think I'm a celebrity."

Crane operator Dean Bainbridge, 49, said he preferred the large-frame thick-sided "Gucci-style" sunglasses when manoevring girders between crowded high-rise buildings. "They are of the moment, but I do wonder sometimes whether they obscure my vision," he said. "While I am aware of the risk, I love the style and I'm not willing to make a change."

Senior citizen advocacy groups have also dismissed the warning, claiming the one-piece perspex 'Windbreaker' windscreen-style sunglasses with ultra-wide sidepanel inserts have long been favoured by its elderly constituency 'without any attributable elevation in Gopher accidents' and that 'stealing away our 15-year cyclical moment of unintentional fashionability' would be 'unforgivable'.