Cock of the Week

Haneef has the Golden Microphone

Despite looking like pencil head version of a starved action man doll who has been left in front of a Vulcan heater for too long...

*The rest of this article has been seized by the AFP and sent off to be analysed, hence its deletion.

The face of a cowardGeoff Clark: racist, thug, bully, criminal and fraudster can now add pack rapist to his rap sheet.

A civil jury today awarded $20,000 in compensatory damages in the case brought by Carol Anne Stingel, who accused the former ATSIC chairman of leading two pack rapes against her in Warrnambool in 1971.

When I was in Darwin in 2002, I was having a beer in a bar when Geoff Clark, flanked by 4 cronies walked in. About 5 minutes later he walked up, knocked the beer out of my mates hand then punched him in the jaw - felling him.

Mr Ed: Denies any involvement.

Woman in indecent act with horse, say police

(via smh.com.au)

A NSW north coast woman has been charged with bestiality and offensive conduct after allegedly being involved in an indecent act with a horse.

Police said they found the naked woman with the horse when they were called to a paddock in Wilson Street, Lismore at 9am (AEDT) on Monday.

"Police will allege a 35-year-old Casino woman was engaged in an indecent act with a horse," a NSW police spokesman said. "The woman was arrested and charged with bestiality and behaving in an offensive manner."

The woman was granted conditional bail and is due to face Lismore Local Court on December 18.

AAP

The Deciderer-in-Chief. We're all doomed.

This is an excerpt from a diary at Daily Kos:

October 28 - November 10 2002:

Bush's comments about Saddam Hussein, each from a different speech:

"This is a person who has had contacts with al Qaeda."

"He's got connections with al Qaeda."

"This is a guy who has had connections with these shadowy terrorist networks."

Ruddock boasts one of the most wildly expressive faces in the business.

Former Immigration Minister Philip Ruddock has been reported missing after he vanished right in the middle of Question Time in Federal Parliament.

The bizarre incident occurred in front of the national press gallery, but camera footage has been withheld by the parliament's media department and turned over to police investigators.

Accounts of the event are almost non-existent as nearly all sitting members admit to being in a dream state or fast asleep while the Minister was answering a question concerning his handling of his previous portfolio.

The Wizard Howard the Grey, to child refugee: 'You... shall not... pass!'

This guy is a total embarrassment. Who wears a special sports suit to watch a game of soccer on TV?

And who invites cameramen into their home so they can take photos of you prancing about the drawing room in your lime green leisure suit and outsized, garishly coloured running shoes in a sickening display of political expediency? Do you put on a puffy hat and an apron when you watch a cooking show? Are you a complete fucking moron?

John Howard, you don't deserve to bask in any reflected glory from Australia's sporting achievements. You are as predictable as A Current Affairs' nightly lineup. Watch any high-profile sporting match in which Australia is participating, and sure enough, there is Johnny's mishaped head leering at the camera like a golf ball taped to a pencil dressed for casual Friday. He's like a bad stink, a guest that never leaves, a bill in the mailbox. 

Do nice girls finish last? What's the attraction of the older man? And whose hand is that?

Just seeing her picture is enough to tell you all you need to know about Sydney Morning Herald dating scene blogger Sam Brett.

Her sassy smart-arse attitude is there for all to see, resplendant in her smug expression, blonde streaks, heavy eye makeup and passive aggressive body language.

For all I know she could be a wonderful woman once you get to know her, but from her writing, she comes across as a vapid, shallow yuppie... yet another female magazine writer that insists upon having full-length body shots of themselves posing seductively alongside their irony-infused text, instead of the normal 2cm headshot everyone else has.

Give it rest, for fuck's sake, you tired, unoriginal, boring rip-off artist.

"Out popped Madonna, in S&M-styled riding gear and whip, singing the new tune Future Lovers as four bare-breasted male dancers writhed around with ball gags in their mouths.

"Later on, she donned a crown of thorns and suspended herself from a giant mirrored cross to deliver the ballad Live to Tell. Video screens showed images of third-world poverty and reeled off grim statistics.

"During one of her half-dozen costume changes, another video montage juxtaposed images of Bush, members of his administration and British Prime Minister Tony Blair with footage of Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden, and Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe. Midway through the new song I Love New York, she deviated from the script and made a crude reference to Bush and oral sex.

"She did pause for a few songs during which she appeared to play a shiny Gibson Les Paul guitar.

"Billboard magazine has forecast ticket sales could reach the $US200 million ($A264.8 million) range, making it the most successful tour by a female artist."

-- Reuters

God I hate Madonna.

Herbert just stopped past your desk to see how those proposals were coming along.

By Guest Contributor Margeret Hen

Look at Herbert. He thinks he is so grand. Strutting about the farmyard all day long in his natty suit and those absurd jodphurs he insists on wearing. His tail feathers are always just so.

Yesterday, he chased Martha Hen all over the top paddock because she didn't sign his petition to bring forward wake-up time one minute. As if it matters.

He is such a busybody. All the time he is poking his sticky beak into every matter, training his little beady eye into places where it's not wanted.

Just because he is the tallest cock, he thinks he is the boss. He wants be boss of everyone. Always crowing about how he did this and did that, how egg production is up 30 per cent last quarter thanks to his initiatives. As if making a competition for the hens about who lays the most eggs is going to make us want to lay more. Stupid cock.

But the other day Herbert chased the farmer's son out of the yard when he came to feed us. That cock got too uppity. The little boy started to cry and the farmer was angry. Maybe someone will put Herbert in his place one day.