Burnout: Takedown
Chuck's signature moveDear bitchface hogging the right lane of the Eastern Freeway today wearing white gloves, with your chins raised displaying your arrogant fucking attitude. If you were my opponent in Burnout I would have taken your fucking Honda down with a signature move.
That's what's great about Burnout: Takedown by EA Games. Your road rage can be taken out in the lounge room with a few laughs as opposed to real weapons under your driver's seat or as I like to call them "pacifiers."
There is no strategy involved with Burnout; only aggressive driving at high speed. No: changing gears, pit stops, changing oil, tyres or winning some gayarse tournament spaying cheap plonk all over some cunts wearing HSV jackets.
Burnout basically works like this. The player can choose from 4 modes: World Tour, Road Rage, Crash and Race. In World Tour mode you complete different races in either the USA, Europe or the Far East. The more you do the more money and points you get to unlock more cars, buses, firetrucks etc to smash shit up with. The tracks are based on real road locations from around the globe. You also get a choice of various cars. My personal favourites are the Muscle car series. There is a Sports car series, Coupe, Dominator and a few others too.
Unfortunately the Nissan Cedric is not availableIn Road Rage mode the aim is to get as many takedowns as possible. Takedowns are smashing into other cars and fucking them right up. When you takedown an opponent (by side swiping, ramming etc) the crash is then seen in slow motion. My record so far is 42 takedowns. Cars flip up in the air, fall into valleys and blow up. The more crazy you drive the more your super boost goes up; therefore letting you cause more carnage. Basically you are rewarded for driving like an absolute moron.
In Crash Mode the player is set the task of causing as much damage as possible by crashing into an intersection and causing ultimate destruction. Before the crash you get a super boost then a ramp for leverage before taking out 24 buses, 76 camper vans and a shitload of other cars. No cops involved.
In Race Mode all you have to do is win. Simple. Plus do as many takedowns as possible before some other mo' fo' takes you down. If you snooze you lose.
Although the above description may seem the game is violent it really isn't. It is not at all like Grand Theft Auto or games of that ilk.
The only shit part of this game is the Indi soundtrack that plays while you drive. Luckily this can be turned off. I recommend playing Kill 'Em All by Metallica while playing Burnout.
Burnout: Dominator is also available for PSP and Burnout: Paradise for PS3, Xbox et al.
Fairly reminiscent of my daily battles with rush-hour traffic.
Was driving home just today. I was tooling down Queens Rd with this huge fucking truck about two car lengths behind me. My entire rear-vision mirror was taken up by the monster fucking grille on the truck. It was like Duel.
Anywhere from the lane on my left I see this fucking BMW 4WD come through like a scalded cat, and then the motherfucker merged right two lanes at once, going from the lane on my left to my lane, and then to the lane on my right. And he slid in between me and the monster truck to do it. I shit you not.
I suppose I could say that the driver had balls of steel, and that it was one hell of a piece of driving. Instead I say that he was a dumb motherfucker. WTF kinda way is that to drive? Some stupid pricks think the finest German engineering and a little extra altitude makes them Unbreakable. They are fucking wrong.
It's bad enough that these wankers drive planet-killing symbols of conspicuous consumption. I sincerely hope they don't compound their fucked-uppedness by taking yours truly out in an Ayrton Senna-inspired overtaking manoeuvre in peak-hour traffic. That would not be cool, Piece of Shit.
And BTW, I got Black Mountain's new album. I've been listening to it all day, and fuck me, it kicks arse. If you don't have it, go buy it. I mean it. (Alternatively, if you 're in my good books, I'll burn it for you.)
Funny you should mention Duel, I was driving with Claudia's youngen yesterday on the Princes hwy and and just like you a big fuck of Kenworth was tailing us and Jim said "man that truck is huge". So I told him about Duel.
That BMW driver sounds like a dumb motherfucking pinhead for pulling that crazy shit on a busy road. Fuck him/her. Just cause the car is a high chair built in Europe isn't going to save it from being opened like a sardine can from a truck 100 times its size.
Next time I recommend you pull a signature takedown on the motherfucker.
--
BTW, I come to the end of my latest contract on Friday. Not a moment too soon. I realised this afternoon when, while sitting at my keyboard today I started weeping tears of rage and despair, that I have HIT THE WALL.
For my own sanity, I need a minimum of two weeks just doing fucking nothing -- which is my natural state, after all. I don't want to bend my mental powers, such that they are, to matters of questionable significance and unquestionable monotony. And the sooner I can repair to an environment where all contact with colleagues is mediated electronically, the happier I'll be.
I have not worked since September 23 last year until starting a new part time job recently [a world away from what i was doing previously]. I was on paid leave for 3 months and it felt like my true calling: getting paid to do nothing.
Take some time off man and chill out. Go to the beach, enjoy the summer, get a tan, buy a lilo and listen to some good tunes.
Then you can face cuntz with a fresh perspective even if it is electronically. After all, it's the way of the future.
[I'll get my hands on a copy of Black Mountain's new one]
Stupid ACA woman flirts with 16 year old clown and get pwned at the end.
I know it's everywhere but what the hell.
Dear Chuck,
Please excuse me for a moment, but I have a message for Corey, I've wanted to say it too him since, and this morning he has tipped me right over the edge … Corey, go and stuff your head up a turkey.
And I was having such a good morning until that moron got on A Current Affair. I shall return to my good morning and jolly January spirit now that I've got that off my chest.
Ismail
/end update
Dude, a while ago you sent me an email asking for my address and I rudely did not reply because I changed wallets and the scrap of paper with my address on it was lost. I have no idea where I live. I don't know my phone numbers. I sometimes even try to open the door of the wrong haus because they all look the same.
It's cold, Hans. It's cold and it's gettin' dark. If I send you my address, can you burn me all the good shit you've got back there and wing it my way? if you do, I'll send you a carton of mild sevens even though you don't smoke.
Oh man, I had a bad day today.
BTW, who got the new Radiohead? I like it.
I think you should take your sunglasses off and have a good hard look at yourself.
Now excuse me I have to go as there is a fuss over Japanese whales and ACTION buses.
/Updates when required...
Now excuse me I have to go as there is a fuss over Japanese whales and ACTION buses.
/Updates when required...
This is unscrupulous, rude and annoying, and if I ever meet you, you had better hope I don’t have something heavy to garnish your head with.
This is unscrupulous, rude and annoying, and if I ever meet you, you had better hope I don’t have something heavy to garnish your head with.
All I can say is that this is a circus. Ismail needs a good kick up the rear end and this site should stop giving the little brat a heap of free publicity and focus on the battle between the Japanese whalers and the environmentalists instead. That should keep the Department of Public Prosecutions busy for the next few years.
Is the new head of radio good?
End Update
Very good. Not as good as OK, but I would rate it #2.
End Update.
BTW have you seen SGS's site lately? I think he has crone's disease? The one where you grow older prematurely? Boring. As. Fuck.
And John 'Ebony' Papadopoliss is seeking new heights in being a total buttplug. What a site. What a world. A 19 year-old calling a 16 year old a 'brat' that needs a 'kick up the behind'. Jesus.
It's cold, Hans. It's cold and it's gettin' dark. If I send you my address, can you burn me all the good shit you've got back there and wing it my way? if you do, I'll send you a carton of mild sevens even though you don't smoke.
Oh man, I had a bad day today.
BTW, who got the new Radiohead? I like it.
Send me your address and I'll send some stuff in your direction.
I didn't like the new Radiohead at first, but I started to dig it after awhile.
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