Other

Hester's second anus had a suction effect on her dentures.

A German retiree is taking a hospital to court after she went in for a leg operation and got a new anus instead, the Daily Telegraph is reporting.

The woman woke up to find she had been mixed up with another patient suffering from incontinence who was to have surgery on her sphincter.

The clinic in Hochfranken, Bavaria, has since suspended the surgical team.

Now the woman is planning to sue the hospital. She still needs the leg operation and is searching for another hospital to do it.

Hey mangs,

As part of BNU's ongoing quest to conquer to the world, we'll be going offline early next week for a couple of days.

During that time, BBB will be migrating all our stuff over to a different server. Once he's done that, at some point we'll be in a position to upgrade to the latest version of Drupal and a new, user-friendly text editor.

Just so you know.

...you drive by an accident, you know you have to do something about it, because you know you're the only one who can really help...

Watch It

I'm buying the CD tomorrow. Check out Hang Me Up to Dry. (Great film clip.)

Light dresses, breezy weather, and G-strings do not mix.

(As the girl walking in front of me this morning on Toorak Rd now understands.)

Just today − only an hour ago − I was insulted.

My friends will know that this, in itself, isn't that noteworthy. There's something about me (my superlative taste in footwear, my quirky sense of humour, my personality etc) that provokes people. No, me being insulted wasn't that noteworthy − what's noteworthy is HOW I was insulted. This particular insult showed, I thought, an interesting degree of verbal dexterity.

So I've decided to make the insult the first installment of Hans' Word of the Week® and to offer a definition, so that those of you who are tempted to use the word in the future will do so on a sound lexicographical basis. Without further ado, let me introduce the word in question:

Crockshitter (kr∂k∫ιttε) n 1 one who shits pottery 2 one who shits in pottery 3 one who talks copious amounts of shit − crockfuls of it, in fact.

Given that I haven't inadvertently taken a dump in anyone's terracotta potplant or crapped ceramics, I lean toward definition #3, as the word was applied to me. It goes without saying that it was a cruel misrepresentation, as I was, at the time, proffering a learned discourse on bone-to-lard ratios. Anyway, here's how I see the word being used in a sentence:

Business associate, Vincent Blackshadow OBE, SOB, WTF: "I say old boy, I've decided to cease smoking and my vigilante campaign against public transport officials so that I may commence my climb up the corporate ladder forthwith."

Look! Over there! A Wood Pixie!Luckily for all our legions of fans and readers, Brown Noise Unit was spared any financial harm from the recent stock market crash because our $8.95 in site revenue was invested in a pyramid scheme set up by the late Chris Skase on the Canary Islands. Readers can relax safe in the knowledge that the sudden disappearance of all our contributors is due to tax reasons, and not a lack of interest.

This site has managed to stay afloat thanks to the generous support of our valued sponsors whom you might see advertised in the google ad box just to your right. Many hundreds of tenths of cents have been generated alone from organisations like The University of Metaphysical Sciences who have chosen to advertise with us at this time.

I'd like to throw the entire weight of BNU's support behind wonderful educational institutions like The University of Metaphysical Sciences. The organisation offers a whole range of graduate courses, including Masters Degrees and PhDs. As part of the partnership that exists between our two organisations, BNU staff were all awarded honorary UMS doctrates which allow us to approach people, lay a calming hand on their shoulder and seed almost any conversation with friendly-italic-scripted observations like 'be the love you seek', 'life is conciousness in action', 'conciousness remains, even after illusion appears and disappears from whence it came' and 'the seeker is the sought'. All of which went down a treat when the ATO officer arrived for our audit meeting.

Come into the light

Right I'm gonna talking about some more things that are pissing me off lately.

Why do people, mostly myspace users, feel the need to take self photos from above? The photo to the right is randomly taken from myspace, it didn't take long to find one like that, not only is it taken from above but the contrast has been turned up so far that you can barely see the bitch. It leads one to believe she has skin akin to the surface of mars and is doing all she can to change this.

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